Love and Borders: The Story of Hamza & Raina
Love and War, they've been opposites. History and Politics have carved India and Pakistan as sworn enemies with constant tension at the borders. But it's such a good feeling to see long held notions of hatred and animosity dissolved through love and marriage. Our national identities might help define us to a certain extent, but it doesn't reflect the entirety of a person. I fully understood this when my brother told me he was in love with a girl. To make things more interesting, she was an Indian friend of mine.
They both met at a musical concert as strangers (he didn't know she was my friend back then), and have ever since been in each other’s' lives. The more they learned about each other, the more intrigued they seemed. My brother's raging nationalism for the Pakistani cricket team didn't stop him from pursuing an Indian girl. Clearly, nationality didn't seem to be an issue for either of them. They were friends at first, but when she started getting proposals from other suitors they stopped speaking for a week, this gave him enough time to decide that he will marry her and can't let her go. For that one week, she felt lost and empty without him. They spent practically every weekend together, and this one week was probably one of the toughest times in their relationship. I remember speaking to each one of them on the phone at that point, and they hated being apart! Ironic, isn't it? They both come from countries that have clearly defined borders and territorial insecurity. But for them, staying apart from each other for a week was painful.
My sister in law feels there isn't a huge cultural disparity between both countries, and found it rather easy to fit in. She's learning lots of new Urdu words, and in exchange my brother can now easily detect a variety of Indian dialects. It's a learning process for both of them. Their marriage ceremony was very simple and it had a mixture of Indian and Pakistani guests. Everybody celebrated their union and none of us recalled moments of controversy or hatred. Their passports have never defined their relationship with each other, in fact they both love traveling and adventures! They make a dynamic duo that enjoys spontaneous plans and good food. I've seen them both reflect inner kindness and acceptance in their marriage. These crazy two have covered Europe and parts of South East Asia, and there are more destinations to explore as time goes by. I'm sure in the near future; they'll probably set up their traveling blog sharing all kinds of stories and reviews.
It's interesting to see how Indian cuisine is something appreciated and common in our family now. There were so many delicious delicacies we never knew of before, but gradually my brother and his wife introduced us to all these colorful sweet and spicy foods. I guess it's not really about where you're from; sometimes it's all about where you feel like you belong. They belong with each other. But being a Pakistani-Indian couple comes with an uproar of curiosity from people. Some people have approached them and asked "Which nationality will your babies be?", "Which team are you supporting during a cricket match?", "What if a war breaks out between both countries?". Here are answers to all those questions. They want their children to independently make a decision of which passport they want to keep or let go of (at some point). They remain neutral during cricket matches. If a war breaks out, they shall worry about that then and there!
The couple decided to share an incident that still makes them crack up. She told me how it reminded her of a Bollywood movie scene:
"We were supposed to be traveling from Belgium to Amsterdam and I was sitting in the train waiting for him. Before he could board the train, the doors closed. Basically, my husband was left behind and it gave me vibes of Dilwale Dulhaniya Lejaynge, you know like Raj and Simran! This isn't even the funniest part, after he missed the train I met up with him at a mutual point. When I got off and saw him, he was sitting and taking selfies and videos of himself all the while waiting for me. I don't know, but that part makes both of us laugh".
Both of them have made their own little world where they have inside jokes and Arabic-Indian inspired nicknames for each other. She's been in the Educational Industry for a long time, and he's an aspiring Engineer. To a lot of their friends and family, they seem like a power couple that has embraced diversity and uses 'hard work' as a life motto. If you ever run into these two, I promise you'll be in for lots of stories and laughs!